I have been thinking recently about certain experiences I have had with you, my fellow humans. Some of these experiences seemed to keep me trapped in a loop, where I would be having the same conversation or experiencing the same feelings every time I was in the company of certain individuals or experiences. This became a burden to me and I began to feel “Ah how” as we say here in Trinidad and Tobago.
I recognize that there are a few things that aided in keeping me stuck in a loop. The first being Nostalgia and the next Grudges.
Meriam Webster dictionary describes nostalgia as “a wistful or excessively sentimental yearning for, return to, or of, some past period or irrecoverable condition.” Who among us doesn’t like to reminisce? We remember the “good old days” or remembering a pleasurable experience and we want to relive them again and again. The thing is, holding on so tightly to the past really robbed me of enjoying the present. I robbed myself of enjoying the new changes that took place within me and within those around me. I found myself getting stuck in trying to relive and recreate what was no longer possible with those around me. Memories are good, smiling and laughing at things past is good but I have been learning that memories are just one capsule of time in our minds. It is ok to revisit them, however, I need to move on.
Grudges are incredibly powerful and like nostalgia, they keep us trapped in the past but for a different reason. I believe there are two types of offences that occur as we interact with each other, regular or unintentional offences and intentional offences. Regular ones occur in the day to day activities of life, where we have general misunderstandings. I have found these are easy to deal with and to get over. Intentional ones are totally a different kettle of fish for me. Although I think most times we can tell the difference between the two, intentional ones cut deeper and are often puzzling and make us feel to enact revenge. When others intentionally choose to offend us, we can choose to ignore, attack, or release them. I have found that holding a grudge against my offender allowed the person to live in my mind, which created an unhappy prison for me. I lived stuck in the past, stuck in the loop of allowing the offence and individual to control me.
The beautiful thing is we can change, we can break the loop of nostalgia and grudges. I have not been on earth long but here are some suggestions I have gathered
- Celebrate each moment and each experience fervently. It will never come again, ever…
- Don’t hold on to so tightly that you can’t adapt. Adapting gave me the freedom to acknowledge the past was good (or bad) and also allowed me to plan and look forward to new things.
- Where offences are concerned, even the intentional ones, the majority of times it had nothing to do with me as a person or my abilities, but the way the other person viewed themselves and their perception of who they thought I was.
- If I have the right mind-set, every experience – whether good and bad – is meant to make me into a better person. When I was in the midst of the experience, it did not make any sense. However, with the benefit of hindsight, I could see why I had to go through the experience.
- I am finite, I can only exist in the present. God is the only person that exists in the past, present and future at the same time. Growing to trust him is challenging but it works out for my good.
I am still growing, I have not arrived, and at times I still get shaken and stuck. I do hope that we all can break whatever loop we have found ourselves caught in.
Stephen…